I hate my best friend’s husband. What should I do?
First off, hate is a very strong word! My mom always told me to be careful when using that word, so I would first advise you to really assess the situation and determine whether “hate” is the most appropriate word to use in this situation.
Next, it’s important to understand why you feel the way that you do about your best friend’s husband. Since I have very limited (actually no) information to go on, here’s how we’ll frame this up.
Assuming your best friend’s husband is one of three characters, there are different ways in which I would advise you deal with the situation.
If he is abusing her, physically or emotionally, then yea hate may be the right word to use and you should do something…or at least say something to her.
Let her know that you are concerned about her safety and wellbeing. Express why you have these concerns with examples. If the matter is serious enough you should consider sharing your concerns with others who love your friend. I’m not saying broadcast her business to the world. But choose someone who sincerely care about your friend and who would help support her if she chose to get out of the situation. Your friend needs to know that she is loved and cared for and most importantly she is not alone.
Alternatively, if your friend and her husband argue all the time and she complains just about everything he does; but then they make up and she forgives him, you need to ask yourself why are you so invested in their marriage when she continues to return to the relationship.
She has invited you into the marriage so you know whether this is a safety issue or typical marital strife.
Of course, you don’t want to see your friend in a bad situation…but occasional marital strife is par for the course.
Marriage is a sacred union between 2 people. It is not a place best friends or in-laws or anyone else to step in and voice an opinion.
In fact, it is dangerous for a wife (or husband) to share with others when the marriage faces a rough patch or there is discord between the married couple.
Why? Because family and friends don’t forgive as easily as spouses. They hold on to the anger long after the couple has moved on which may cause conflict between the offending spouse and the family/friends.
In this case, my recommendation is for you to advise your friend to seek marriage counseling and not confide in you about their marital spats.
Now, if this is a situation where the guy just annoys you! You do not like his character or his personality, but he is not causing your friend any harm, and they don’t have any marital issues which you are invited to witness, then you must get over it!
She chose him! Stay out of the marriage.
Respect their relationship and to the best of your ability, respect him.
If possible, avoid being in his presence…and if that’s not possible always remain cordial.
Remember, he is your best friend’s spouse.
You don’t want to cause any issues with their marriage or worse yet, have him see you as the enemy. The worst thing that could happen is that your best friend will have to choose between you and her husband. Either way, it won’t end well for anyone!!
Do your best to be respectful of their marriage, and tread lightly when engaging in conversations where he is the topic of discussion.
Best of luck,