Who are your people? Where do you come from?
Have you ever been on the other end of those questions? My guess is that an elderly person wielded those questions like a sword in your direction.
The intent behind the questions may have been to find out your familial lineage and try to determine your heritage; perhaps to classify you in a way you would rather not be classified.
Although these questions may be jarring at first blush (and not recommended for any dating scenario), they do initiate a conversation about one’s familial relationships which is so important to know when dating someone.
Familial relationships and childhood experiences shape your adult life and have a significant impact on your self-image, how you relate to others, and how you relate to the world around you.
As a result, FAMILY is the topic of this installment of 15+ Questions to ask before getting too serious.
This week’s post outlines questions which will elicit information regarding your new guys family construct, his childhood and upbringing.
Whatever side of the nature vs nurture debate you fall on, most people would agree that we formulate our belief system from the experiences we have with those in our sphere of influence…primarily our family.
As a result, family members leave an indelible imprint on our lives, way beyond genetics.
And, it is that imprint that gives you insight into the person you are dating.
In this last installment of the four-part series on 15+ questions to ask before getting too serious, the goal of these questions is to help you understand that imprint which makes your new guy unique.
Here are the fifteen or so questions I suggest you ask to start the conversation regarding his relationship with his family and the family dynamics:
- What is your relationship with your parents?
- Were you raised by both parents? Grandparents? Other?
- Were your parents married or divorced when you were growing up? If married, are they still together today? If divorced, how old were you when they got divorced? What affect did that have on you? Did your parent(s) re-marry? How is your relationship with your step-parent(s)?
- What is your perspective on marriage? Divorce? Living together?
- Were you adopted? Do you know your birth parents? How has being adopted shaped your life?
- Do you have siblings? What’s your birth order? Do you and your siblings ascribe to the typical roles assigned to children by birth order?
- Were you disciplined as a child? How and by which parent? What, role did the other parent play?
- What was it like growing up in your family? Did you go on family vacations or eat dinner together every night? Did you move around or predominantly live in the same house as you grew up?
- Was/is your family supportive of you and your successes?
- What is your belief on child enablement versus empowerment? Do you feel your parents enabled or empowered you?
- Do you want to have children? What do you think your parenting style will be? Do you believe in spanking children?
- If you had a daughter, would you allow her to date someone exactly like you? Why? Why not?
- What do you think is the role of a mother/father, in the life of a child? Are the roles different/same?
- How often do you speak to your parents on the phone? Do you typically call them or do they call you?
- Do you spend major holidays with your family? Or are you more of a nomad during the holidays?
Hopefully, this will give you insights into the guy you are dating and some of his “interesting” quirks, you didn’t quite understand.
After going through the exercise of asking your guy the 15+ Questions in the four- part series you will definitely know him more intimately and should be in a better position to determine whether the relationship should progress to the next level.
I wish you all the best!