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Who are your people? Where do you come from? 

Family: 15+ Questions to ask before getting too serious.

Have you ever been on the other end of those questions? My guess is that an elderly person wielded those questions like a sword in your direction.

The intent behind the questions may have been to find out your familial lineage and try to determine your heritage; perhaps to classify you in a way you would rather not be classified.

Although these questions may be jarring at first blush (and not recommended for any dating scenario), they do initiate a conversation about one’s familial relationships which is so important to know when dating someone.

Familial relationships and childhood experiences shape your adult life and have a significant impact on your self-image, how you relate to others, and how you relate to the world around you.

As a result, FAMILY is the topic of this installment of 15+ Questions to ask before getting too serious.

In the prior three installments, we discussed finances, past relationships, and character.

This week’s post outlines questions which will elicit information regarding your new guys family construct, his childhood and upbringing.

Whatever side of the nature vs nurture debate you fall on, most people would agree that we formulate our belief system from the experiences we have with those in our sphere of influence…primarily our family.

As a result, family members leave an indelible imprint on our lives, way beyond genetics.

And, it is that imprint that gives you insight into the person you are dating.

In this last installment of the four-part series on 15+ questions to ask before getting too serious, the goal of these questions is to help you understand that imprint which makes your new guy unique.

Family: 15+ Questions to ask before getting too serious

Here are the fifteen or so questions I suggest you ask to start the conversation regarding his relationship with his family and the family dynamics:

  1. What is your relationship with your parents?
  2. Were you raised by both parents? Grandparents? Other?
  3. Were your parents married or divorced when you were growing up? If married, are they still together today? If divorced, how old were you when they got divorced? What affect did that have on you? Did your parent(s) re-marry? How is your relationship with your step-parent(s)?
  4. What is your perspective on marriage? Divorce? Living together?
  5. Were you adopted? Do you know your birth parents? How has being adopted shaped your life?
  6. Do you have siblings? What’s your birth order? Do you and your siblings ascribe to the typical roles assigned to children by birth order?
  7. Were you disciplined as a child? How and by which parent? What, role did the other parent play?
  8. What was it like growing up in your family? Did you go on family vacations or eat dinner together every night? Did you move around or predominantly live in the same house as you grew up?
  9. Was/is your family supportive of you and your successes?
  10. What is your belief on child enablement versus empowerment? Do you feel your parents enabled or empowered you?
  11. Do you want to have children? What do you think your parenting style will be? Do you believe in spanking children?
  12. If you had a daughter, would you allow her to date someone exactly like you? Why? Why not?
  13. What do you think is the role of a mother/father, in the life of a child? Are the roles different/same?
  14. How often do you speak to your parents on the phone? Do you typically call them or do they call you?
  15. Do you spend major holidays with your family? Or are you more of a nomad during the holidays?

Hopefully, this will give you insights into the guy you are dating and some of his “interesting” quirks, you didn’t quite understand.

After going through the exercise of asking your guy the 15+ Questions in the four- part series you will definitely know him more intimately and should be in a better position to determine whether the relationship should progress to the next level.

I wish you all the best!

L.C.

Family: 15+ Questions to ask before getting too serious.

25 thoughts on “FAMILY: 15+ QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE GETTING TOO SERIOUS”

  1. Great questions! Learning as much background info as you can from the beginning will help determine the future and if you’re better off as partners, friends, or just simply has beens.

  2. These are definitely some good questions to ask! And, the answers are even more so important… Yasssss! I was always taught look how a man treats his mother and you would know how he will treat you. I will definitely book mark this post to share with others. Thanks for sharing!

  3. This is great because people need to get back to dating and talking. People don’t ask questions anymore and just right into relationships that are healthy and that could have been avoided by asking a few simple questions

  4. These are wonderful question to ask a potential mate. I know people think they can just skip these important question and figure it out along the way but its important before you realize you are dating someone who doesnt share the same beliefs as you to raise and have a family.

  5. Who are your people and where do they come from? OH YES! I will definitely teach my kids to get to know the person they are interested in as well as their families. I know first hand how important that is. Lots of telltale signs reveal themselves when you look beyond the person.

  6. These questions are critical to having a successful relationship and being on the same page. This is a great list that I need to share with my single friends.

  7. Oh my goodness! This is so real. We need to take a look at a person’s family, and core belief system. You can get into a lot of trouble and prevent a ton of drama by doing a few of these steps!

  8. This is something that one should consider before getting serious since relationships doesn’t always work out as we wish it would and to avoid a serious heartbreak one should know where they stand….

  9. I love all these questions. They really shape how a person sees the world. I love the ones about parenting. It’s important to be on the same page as your partner with that.

  10. A great list of questions. I agree it’s important to ask all this to know a person. Its good to know about personal relationships as that tells a lot about a person.

  11. This reads like the Q&A you would definitely get from Nigerian parents.. :-). Some more too. They don’t play because most still believe marriage is for life, so they want to make sure before they give consent. I like it :-). It can tell you a lot.

  12. great questions to ask. Hopefully those are being asked over time not on the first and second date lol. it is good to know certain things before getting serious with someone. maybe having a few deal breakers.

  13. SO important questions wrt know about relations, thoughts on a family! A perfect thumbs up. All these things need to be known to have a great compatibility.

  14. This is an interesting list of questions. I do like question #12 a lot. It would be good also to ask oneself these same questions before posing them to someone else. I think it would prepare one to be tactful, and to avoid being judgmental when asking. Everyone has some undesirable trait . You just have to know if it’s something you can handle. You’ll also want to know if the other person can handle YOUR undesirable trait or past.

    1. I completely agree, Ola. If you are going to ask questions you better be ready a) for the answer and b) for the question to be asked of you! Thanks for your comments.

  15. It’s super important to get to know where your partner stands with these things, but I also think that there can be compromise, too.

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