Isn’t dating sometimes like a job interview? You have an open position…seeking “BOYFRIEND” or “HUSBAND”.
You’ve been conducting interviews for this particular position for quite awhile.
The applicant pool is slim but you occasionally you meet a prospect who “looks good on paper”; meaning his resume meets all the basic qualifications for the “job”.
So you decide to give him a temporary assignment; you start dating. The temporary assignment may evolve into something more permanent but there’s no need to rush things!
It is during this trial period I would recommend you begin to incorporate the bounty of questions discussed in part one and part two of this 4-part series, on questions to ask before getting too serious.
One’s character is comprised of the qualities and traits which make you, uniquely YOU. A boyfriend of poor character should be “fired” immediately.
It doesn’t matter how “good he appears on paper”, if his character is questionable you should RUN!!
I, personally do not believe that a person can change who they inherently are.
As you continue to get to know a new boyfriend, be watchful for signs of who he inherently is.
Unlike the prior installments in this series, his character will become apparent early on in the relationship.
If you are paying attention you will be able to determine whether your guy is of good character…or maybe a bad egg! Everything looks good on the outside, but when you break it open the pungent smell hits you like a ton of bricks.
Like I said….RUN!
Even if you are able to assess his character by observing his daily interactions with you and others, there is still value in having conversations about one’s character so that you can assess whether his words match his behavior. Besides you want to ensure that he is the same in public AND in private, when no one’s watching!
Here are the fifteen or so questions I suggest you ask to tee up the conversation on character:
- Are you inherently generous or stingy…with your time, money, compliments, etc? Does your lady have to “earn” these things or do you give them freely?
- Do you ascribe to a religion or faith? Do you practice your faith?
- Could you be in a relationship with a girl who is practicing abstinence?
- Could you be in a relationship/marriage with a partner who earned considerably more than you or is more successful?
- Do you consider yourself a man of your word? What if any circumstances justify you breaking a promise or a commitment?
- Do you struggle to admit you are wrong? In a disagreement or argument are you the first to apologize?
- What if any vices do you have?
- Do you visit pornographic websites? How often? Do you have a sexual fetish?
- Were you ever convicted of a crime? What were the circumstances surrounding the incident?
- How do you respond to challenging situations?
- How long have you been employed by your current employer?
- Do you believe in traditional gender roles in relationships/marriage? What are those roles?
- How would you respond to your girlfriend if your relationship with a female friend (including an ex), makes your girlfriend uncomfortable?
- Would you consider yourself a gentleman? What does that look like in a relationship?
- How would you respond if a guy disrespected your girlfriend in your presence; for example, he cut in front of her in the grocery store line or he pushed her aside at the movie theater?
Character matters, in your relationships, at your job, at school…frankly in all aspects of life!
How is your new guy measuring up?
An assessment of one’s character goes beyond asking whether he’s a good guy!
These questions enable you to dig a little deeper and really decide whether he is who he says he is…and more importantly, does he possess the character traits of someone you want to continue in a relationship with?
Or does he get the pink slip?
Which is it?
I’d love to hear your feedback and feel free to share any character questions I may have missed.
I wish you the best.